DEAR DEIDRE: People see me as a pillar of the community, but I can’t control my roving eye.
I keep making crazy decisions and cheating on my wife. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I want to change before I destroy my marriage and my reputation.
I’m 46 and my wife is 45. We have three children.
We have been together since college. She’s my soul mate and I don’t know what I’d do without her.
I am a very successful business leader and a magistrate. People in my local town look up to me.
What they don’t know is that I have had several affairs.
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The first happened when my eldest son was a baby. It was with a woman who I met at a conference, who was nothing compared to my wife.
I still don’t understand why I carried on with her for months.
My wife was devastated when she found out and I begged her forgiveness. I behaved for a few years but went on to have two more affairs, one brief and the other lasting a couple of years.
She doesn’t know about them. The second ended in 2020.
Now my children have left home, I can feel myself getting the ‘itch’ again.
I’ve noticed a young woman who works in my local cafe and I keep finding myself flirting with her. She’s far too young for me and we have nothing in common.
This should be a happy time for me and my wife. We are comfortably off, have a lovely home and many friends.
Why do I keep doing this? And how can I stop?
DEIDRE SAYS: Something – probably a childhood experience – makes you want to self-sabotage and risk your happiness.
Perhaps you feel you don’t deserve your wife or career.
It’s as if you can’t accept you are successful and loved, and need to destroy your life.
You can change, but only if you take control of your actions and reach out for professional help.
A counsellor could help you work on the root of your issues and teach you ways to avoid making the same mistakes.
See my support pack about counselling for more information about this.
It would also be a good idea to talk honestly with your wife about your problems, even if you don’t confess to the affairs she doesn’t know about. Make it clear you love her and ask for her support as you get help.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: tiengtrunghaato.edu.vn