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This article was co-written by Michael Dickerson, PsyD, and wikiHow staff writer Amy Bobinger. Michael Dickerson is a clinical psychologist with over 6 years of college counseling experience. He specializes in anxiety, OCD, and men’s mental health. Michael received his BS in Psychology from California State University, Sacramento and his Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 57,625 times.
Even if you are in a difficult situation, following advice can be really difficult. However, sometimes an outside perspective can help you see things in a new light, making it easier to decide what to do. It may not be easy, but try to let down your defenses and listen receptively to advice. Then take some time to think critically about that advice before making a decision.
Recognize the barriers that make it difficult to accept advice. If you find it difficult to get help with a difficult decision, or tend to quickly ignore other people’s advice, take some time to think about why. Go Deeper: Being honest with yourself about what’s bothering you can help you break down your walls. Some of these things may include:[1]
- A defensive attitude towards one’s own point of view.
- Being overconfident in your own opinion
- There is no trust in other people.[2]
- View unsolicited advice as useless[3]
- You prefer instant gratification to long-term gains.[4]
- Being stuck in a rut
- Not being prepared to listen to advice.
- a feeling of fear
Recognize the benefits that can be derived from good advice. Guidance from the right people can help you find solutions you may not have thought of on your own. In addition, they can offer insight that helps you think about a problem in a new way, or they can point out a mistake in your thinking.[5]
- When you recognize these benefits of listening to good advice, it’s much easier to stop being defensive when someone offers their opinion.
- Make sure you are very clear about the crux of the problem before seeking advice. In this way, you can be sure that the person who advises you will really understand what you are looking for.
Let go of the idea that you already have the answer. Unfortunately, we all have a tendency to be overconfident that we know what’s best. However, that way of thinking can really hold you back. When someone offers you advice, try to listen receptively and openly. After all, they may have a solution that works better than the one you already had in mind.[6]
- For example, if you’re at work and you’ve always done something a certain way, someone might come along and suggest a different way to do it. If you’re open to the idea, you may find that it actually turns out to be more effective, saving you time and trouble throughout the day.
Listen to yourself first. Because your intuition can sometimes lead you astray, what you think of the advice shouldn’t necessarily be your only deciding factor. In the end, though, you’re the one who has to live with the decisions you make, so take the time to make sure what you’re doing is true.[7]
- For example, if someone gives you advice that goes against one of your core values, like honesty or integrity, you should listen to your inner voice that tells you it’s not right.
Drop your defenses and listen humbly. Sometimes when people come to you for advice, you will immediately cringe. Sometimes people who offer unsolicited advice really push their limits. This isn’t always the case, though: if someone thoughtfully approaches you and offers advice, it might be worth letting your guard down and giving them some time.[8]
- Even if you don’t necessarily agree with the advice, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” and “Is there a way this can help me grow?”
Choose your advisors wisely. Be very discerning when choosing who to take advice from. The best advice comes from people who have been in your shoes, who really care about you, or who are experts in the field.[9]
However, just because someone is successful in your field does not necessarily mean that they will give you good advice. Don’t let someone’s condition cloud your judgment.- If you provide a service, customer feedback can also be a valuable source of advice. [10]
- Do not accept advice from someone who is not where you want to be. For example, you may not accept financial advice from someone who is not a good money manager.
- Also, avoid seeking advice only from people who always agree with you. It won’t be worth it in the long run.
Ask for clarification if you need it. When someone gives you advice, they may generalize, give you too many ideas, or use jargon you don’t understand. If you’re confused, don’t be afraid to speak up![11]
- If the person, for example, gives you a list of things to do, but doesn’t really give you an idea of where to start, you might ask, “What do you think I should focus on first?”
Look for some different opinions. Don’t feel like you just need to get advice from one person. Instead, contact a few people whose judgment and experience you really trust.[12]
In this way, you can be sure that you are getting a broad enough perspective on the problem.[13]- Also, don’t just trust like-minded people, try to find people with different views.
Give yourself time to think about the advice. Even if you have a quick decision to make, take some time to think about the advice someone is offering. Carefully consider your options so that you can make an informed decision based on your goals and what is important to you.[14]
- However, give yourself a deadline so you don’t procrastinate too long.[15]
Trust yourself to make the right decision. At the end of the day, you are solely responsible for your decisions. Weigh all the advice you’ve been given, then decide what to do and move on.[16]
- Be prepared to take responsibility for your decision, no matter the outcome.
Show gratitude for any advice you take. It’s important to let people know that you appreciate their advice and how they have helped you. This is not only polite, but it also lets the person know that you value their opinion and that it was helpful.[17]
- It also builds your network and allows you to seek advice from that person in the future.
Ask someone with relevant knowledge or experience. When looking for advice, try to trust people who can really give you insight into the problem. Think creatively: They don’t necessarily have to be in your shoes to have a relevant experience. Make sure it’s also someone who really wants to see you succeed.[18]
- If possible, try to pick several different people to turn to for advice. This diversity will help you not only trust people who have the same perspective as you.
Start with a positive tone. Asking for advice can be difficult. Start off on the right foot by opening with something positive and clear. Avoid being self-critical, even experts in their fields need advice from time to time.[19]
- Keep it simple by saying something like “I’d love your advice, do you have 20 minutes to spare?”
- Ask the person if they are willing to give advice to see if they are the right person to ask.[20]
Clearly define the problem to the advisor. Other people’s advice won’t make much of a difference if you’re not 100% clear on what the root of the problem is. Start at the end: describe the decision you have to make. Then explain everything you have to consider about the decision, including the other people involved, the goals you are trying to achieve, and what makes the situation difficult. This way, the person giving you the advice will be able to talk directly about the problem and will be less likely to give you vague or generic advice.[21]
- Also try to avoid unnecessary details. Give the person all the information they need to know.[22]
- Ask yourself what your blind spots are: what are you really struggling with and where do you need more guidance?
- For example, if you are unsure whether to accept a job offer, you can explain what the job will consist of, how it compares to your current job, and anything that will complicate the decision, such as the need to relocate.
Do not ask for advice to confirm a decision you have already made. Sometimes it can be tempting to go to someone ‘for advice’ when what you really want is validation. If you’re pretty sure you already know what you’re going to do, go ahead. Either that or you will have to open yourself up to being wrong.[23]
- For example, if you’re struggling with a difficult problem at work, don’t go asking your boss for advice if you already have a possible solution in mind.
- Likewise, don’t seek advice as a shortcut to doing the job yourself.
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