One of the major issues with watching people on TV instead of meeting them in person is that you have no idea how tall anyone is. This fact hit me hard when I learned of the Jersey Shore cast’s heights. The Amazonian JWoww? Only 5”7. The dreamy Keto Guido Vinnie Guadagnino? The same. And Ron, of “you traumatized me Ronnie” fame? Five. Six.
After these shocking realizations, I knew I had to find out how tall the Vanderpump kids are. You can thank me for my service later.
Stassi Schroeder Height
Stassi is a cool 5”7, which is about as tall as I would’ve expected. It’s the perfect height: tall enough so that most clothes look good on you, but not so tall that you tower over prospective beaus (pun intended with respect to her current boyfriend Beau, who I am in love with).
Jax Taylor Height
Resident sociopath Jax Taylor is six feet tall, which surprises me because he has crazy, short man Tom Cruise energy, especially when he’s on coke. If not height, what is he so god damn insecure about? I’d say he needs a therapist, but we’ve been down that road before (I’m looking at you, Kelsey Patel).
Katie Maloney Height
Katie is 5”6, a nice height. I don’t have much to say about this because it’s Katie, and there’s not much to say about her in general. However, I guess I should start relating to her now, as we’re both 5”6 white women with blogs.
Tom Schwartz Height
Tom Schwartz is six onnnnnnne. Ugh, I love him so much despite his general ineptitude. Sure, he couldn’t last as a Pump bartender for more than five minutes and sure, he repeatedly cheats on his wife and then “doesn’t remember”. But he’s six one!!
Tom Sandoval Height
It’s not surprising to me that Sandoval, clearly the most metrosexual of his guy friends, is also the shortest at 5”11. I’m confused- I thought these people were all models. Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t male models break six feet? Even America’s Next Top Model had height requirements before Tyra went all “everyone is beautiful”.
Ariana Madix Height
Ariana is one of those girls who is so tiny that you assume she was born premature, but it turns out she’s 5”5 *tears well up in eyes over how someone can be so skinny and also above average height-wise*.
Lala Kent Height
Lala’s 5”7, not surprising as her whole thing is being perfect physically.
James Kennedy Height
I guess Kristen has a thing for 5”11 guys- both James and her ex Tom Sandoval are about the same height.
Kristen Doute Height
We all know Kristen is tall due to her frequent stumbles and gas station blow-up doll arms. At 5”9, Doute is never afraid to punch her boyfriend in the face at a wedding, bring a random girl to shame her ex-boyfriend while he’s at work, or give Jax head while the movie Drive plays in the background. The girl is an icon of reality TV and deserves to be treated as such. Our 5”9 queen.
Scheana Shay Height
Like Ariana, I assumed that Scheana was a small little waif of a girl. After all, men love petite women and this girl has bagged everyone from John Mayer to Eddie Cibrian. Shockingly, she’s 5”5, which is one inch taller than average. I guess it’s her childlike anime eyes and immature view on life that makes me think that she’s shorter.